Friday, February 29, 2008

Hopelessly in Love


I am hopelessly and deeply in love. Completely smitten. When I am away, I can only think of his perfect face. When I walk into the room, his eyes light up. When everyone has gone to bed and the house is quiet, he crawls up in my lap, gently curls up with me, snuggles his head under my chin, sighs a big sigh of contentment and goes to sleep. If I forget to pick him up he lays on my feet. When he enters the room I am immediately reduced to fits of unintelligible baby-talk. He defends me, protects me from harm and guards me from evil. Mostly my children. He hates them all. And worships me. He is very smart. Looks like it is me and Zuni against the world. In China common people were required by law to bow to Pekingese and the kids seem to have it down, but we aren't sure if it is legal for us to put company to death if they forget, so we are still working out the kinks. For now, you can just bring him gifts when you visit. He fits PERFECTLY on my arm. But I have to go now as it is very difficult to type with one hand, besides I think the glare of the screen and clicking of the keys are disturbing his widdle nap. And Daddy just got home with his new brush and treats and shampoo and toy and...excuse me just a second..."what do you MEAN they didn't have a sweater small enough?!"... Well, we are very busy. Gotta go... "Gaston are you sure you tried ALL the stores?!"

Learning to Simply Reject & Delete


I am weary of the words we use in the name of truth that are not truth at all. They are just rude or mean or bad mannered. I have been craving wisdom & graciousness. Don't you love when God places a thought in your mind & then you hear the theme repeated through other people? Last week at church I heard the Pastor say exactly what I have been thinking which was I think email & blogs are used carelessly & thoughtlessly at times. Words without wisdom or grace. Just because we are angry or hurt or bitter does not excuse bad manners. Ever. Attacking people is never kind nor helpful. Most of us are guilty of it, I know I am. I recently wrote a brilliant but scathing post that would have brought injury & insult to a dear friend that I intended to flippantly & carelessly publish, although I never would have considered saying those things to his face. It is way too easy to spew out a bunch of toxic damaging words & then hit the send button without any thought of being on the receiving end. I instead decided to use a little discernment & restraint & chose to put away my soapbox, hit delete & keep my rant to myself. Churches & families have been carelessly destroyed in the name of "expressing our feelings". We need to always stop and apply some common sense, wisdom & tact. We are quick to defend the world & its ways & even quicker to tear down our own brothers & sisters in Christ. Some people have the mistaken idea that because I have not attended church religiously (hehehe) the past few years & because I "unschool" my children, that it means I have no boundaries or beliefs or faith or a love for God. Or maybe have the impression I live my life as a free for all & my children are allowed to do & see anything. They are not. I guard their hearts & minds & take great care in deciding what is right or wrong for each of them in accordance with their personalities & weaknesses. I try to provide support for their interests & strengths as well, but good manners & how they treat others are always most important, being aware of the world & the feelings & needs of the people around them, not just their own happiness & freedom to do or say whatever they feel. I do not subscribe to that belief. I know some people assume they know what I believe & that it is wrong. I have even been tagged a "tree hugging New-Age guru". LOL They don't even know me, have never had a conversation with me about my beliefs or asked me about my background or my faith or past ministries. Assumptions about people always hurt. I thought we learned that in Sunday School when we were 6. For any of us to ever judge another is wrong. I love my God and His Word & though it may come as a surprise, I also love His people, despite my experiences & am hurt beyond understanding when they attack each other or just carelessly toss out insensitive responses. I recently had the opportunity to decide whether or not to publish a flippant comment on a blog post. I felt it was the kind of careless statement that would hurt someone's feelings or make them feel stupid to know someone felt that way, so I rejected it. It felt so good! I thought wouldn't it be WONDERFUL if we could click the "reject this comment" button on so many things that are said to us. If you know that email is full of poison, for goodness sakes don't open it. Just delete them. I think I am going to install a Mental Reject Comment Button & use it more often in my life. Throughout every day. Reject or publish. I just wish I also had more opportunities to protect people I love as well! Have had this on my heart all week & then at church this was the scripture...
"they are darkened in their understanding...be made new in the attitude of your minds...in your anger do not sin...do not give the devil a foothold...do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, BUT ONLY WHAT IS HELPFUL FOR BUILDING OTHERS UP ACCORDING TO THEIR NEEDS that it may benefit those who will listen...do not grieve the Holy Spirit...get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you. "
Whew. Got it, Lord. So I ask forgiveness for anytime I have used this computer or my words in a way that was ever hurtful or slanderous, I hope I haven't but am sure I probably have. I love God's word, always have, always will, and obedience is very important to me even when it doesn't show. "They will know we are Christians by our...T-shirts or how much Christian music we listen to"? I miss Real Truth. Not what we call Truth, not a license to rabidly attack God's people or be radical in our views & how we express them. Do we really want that kind of "truth" shot back at us? Do unto others. I hope I will always remember that there is a PERSON sitting in front of the screen reading my words, a heart & a soul that can either be encouraged & lifted up or destroyed & crushed. Mean people suck. We need more laughter, not tears! We need to honor, not hurt. We need more love & peace, not ugliness. I also believe that I will answer for any time I was a stumbling block for a non-believer or a Christian struggling with their faith. I know it is very stylish to "Be Real", be genuine, the whole Blue Like Jazz kind of thing. (loved that book by the way, just an example) But I see a lot less of a command to be true to yourself in scripture than I see us admonished to show restraint & self control & kindness & love that we don't feel. Hard stuff. Boring stuff. I am pretty sure God is more pleased on those rare occasions when I swallow my words than when I weave a tapestry of colorful metaphors & obscenities & show my talent in the use of the English language to rival any sailor's. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" was a simple philosophy I need to follow more. My friend laughed when we were discussing this stuff because I said I missed good old fashioned masks & facades. But I do. I miss good manners. Mostly my own.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Happy Birthday Julie!



There are SO many things I would love to do with you on your birthday...
we could stay home and watch a movie or...






we could go out to eat






maybe pick up a little chocolate






go shopping for some clothes





or go for a drive




maybe go to the beach, check out the wildlife and scenery. We could share...











A GOOD BOOK, of course! :)










OR WE COULD BAKE A CAKE
but I think we should...




CELEBRATE!

ETHEL & LUCY GO TO PARIS











Sunday, February 24, 2008

Just Kidding Around





I have pinpointed when it happened. The moment in history when everything started going downhill. The turning point in the lives of Americans when our spirits began to wither a bit & our laughter started to disappear. It wasn't when they took prayer out of the public schools, or Roe vs Wade, the Vietnam War or Watergate although I am sure those were important as well. It happened on March 29th, 1978. The night that Carol Burnett tugged on her ear for the last time and went off the air. Life hasn't been the same since. I very rarely laugh like I used to get to laugh every week at the same time. That was also around the same time my toys & HeeHaw overalls were put away & replaced by blowdryers and make-up. Coincidence?...I think not.
So here is what I propose.We need to get our toys back out or buy some new ones, throw out the makeup, blowdryers and girl-clothes & start to laugh and play again. Let's use the editorial section of the newspaper for the new puppy and only read the comics instead. Let's skip over the box of high fiber cereal and buy the one with the cool toy. Being a Grownup is highly overrated, don't you think? I have gotten WAY too serious about life. I am going to stop reading books about how to be a better, smarter, more analytical grownup & read more Pooh Bear and children's stories. I am going to watch fewer dramas and documentaries & watch more cartoons, zombie movies & old episodes of Lucy. Instead of being critical of my little boy's video games, I am going to learn to play them. I am going to ditch the fine art prints & put up classic monster movie posters. I removed all my wise intellectual quotes & serious news from my homepage & replaced them with Pacman, Zombie Bomber, Ellen DeGeneres quotes & a daily Disney character. HA! I am ready to have some fun! Wanna come play with me? I was never very good at being a kid,(see my profile) so I am going to try again. I officially declare this My Second Childhood. Has anybody seen my Yo-yo?

Friday, February 22, 2008

I Killed Jane Austen



When I started this year, I had no idea what "Simply Me" meant. I knew I had to figure it out and start taking steps to getting closer to being Real or lose my silly little mind. I had no idea how dramatic that was going to be. I had no idea how swept away I had become by other people's lives and personalities. All my colors had gotten smeared and had run into everyone else's until they weren't mine anymore. All those roles we get thrown into as an adult can kind of take over if we let them. I had definitely let them. Now that I am figuring all this out, I am finding that the people who matter the most to me, the very people I was trying so hard to please by trying to be what I thought they wanted or needed, are the people who seem to like me & love me more now that I am working my way back. I am throwing out all the books, music, movies and ideas that tell me to be something else. I am going to stop being afraid of people, am not going to try to please people anymore & allow stronger personalities to bully me. I am going to defend my likes & not let anyone else decide what I should be. It might sound pitiful that a 42 year old woman is just now figuring this out, but I have always been one of those chameleon marshmallow personalities that tries to not rock the boat & does whatever to try to keep the peace. Unfortunately, this attracts bullies & people with strong personalities who set themselves up in my life and proceed to direct how I should live it and proceed to suck the life out of me. People who take up all the space in the room. My daddy & I spent my childhood trying to make my mom happy. So naturally I married someone & immediately handed over the reigns. If he or the kids didn't like my music I eventually just quit listening to it. After my three year old marched into the family room many years ago and faced me with hands on hips while I was trying to watch a Grand Ole Opry award ceremony and indignantly spat out the words, "Aaarrgh! Country music AGAIN?!", I sighed, got up, turned it off and never turned it back on again. All of their interests became mine & little by little everything I loved got pushed aside to make more room, until I woke up one day and realized I didn't recognize anything anymore and certainly wasn't enjoying any of it. I think I owe it to myself and Gaston, Tallulah, Pierre, Wolfgang & Hank to explore this and then tell them to move over a little and make some room. I know they won't mind. I do not blame anyone for this happening. I allowed the lifesuckers to invade my world and kill my spirit. People only have however much power over you as you allow them. I am the one who deemed myself unworthy and gave everyone permission to take over. But I have changed my mind. There are some things you need to know. I think two events last year really inspired this need to express myself, but only one I will share here. It made me begin to see how much I have embraced for the sake of "the homeschooling image" and being a Christian wife and mother and all the trimmings that come with that. It is true ...I did kill Jane Austen, but I swear it was in self defense. I shocked Tallulah a few months ago with the sudden declaration that I HATE JANE AUSTEN. There. I said it. No self-respecting homeschooling Christian mother could ever hate Jane Austen, but I, in fact, do. I thought my daughter was going to divorce me. But after many days of shocked depressed silence from her, it became apparent we were going to survive this new knowledge, she would one day come to forgive me & I started thinking about all the myriad of OTHER things I had adopted as my own that actually belong to my husband whom I love or to my children whom I adore. May I also say that my children have always been very generous and gracious in their loyalties to me and their attempts to honor me in their lives. I heard Tallulah & Pierre laughing about how they had both rabidly defended Thoreau's writings to someone only later to realize they had never read one word he had written but were responding to my avid devotion to him. So, I guess that is what love does sometimes, we take on some of the colors of the people around us and they ours. This makes us more colorful and we grow and expand into much more interesting people. This morning as I was writing this, Luna in her usual "kindred spirit mind-reading fashion" unknowingly sent me this quote by Sandra Day...
"We don't accomplish anything in this world alone... and whatever happens is the result of the whole tapestry of ones life and all the weavings of individual threads from one another that creates something"



Exactly! But somewhere along the way, I stopped using any of my own thread. Since I have always taught my children to be who they are and like what they like and have supported whatever their passion was, it is time to follow my own advice. I threw out a lot of interests in the name of parenting and marriage and homeschool. I miss them. I miss me. I have somehow acquired an elitist quasi-intellectual artsy facade that is simply not who I am. I miss football. I miss country music. I miss television. I think I owe it to my younger guys who are still at home and I owe it to myself to restore my own colors, maybe start with a fresh clean canvas. I don't want to feel smudged & unrecognizable anymore. Please forgive me, Miss Austen. I suspect you felt the same way at times.






Thursday, February 21, 2008

Quote Entry for Jewl's Quirky Contest



"I might repeat to myself, slowly & soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I could remember any of the damn things."
Dorothy Parker


My Vote


I never discuss politics, religion or money. I hate reading blogs ranting about political beliefs and I avoid talk radio like the plague. Yet even knowing this about me, my closest friends still pester me for my political opinions and insights on the upcoming election. So I have put a lot of thought into how I will cast my vote. Basically I have narrowed it down to four people I feel are qualified & I would love to have as President. I would definitely like to vote for a woman. But there is a legality I cannot get past and that is Jane Goodall is not an American citizen, so she is out of the running. That leaves me with three choices, which quickly becomes two as Mr. Rogers is dead. So I am back to my two original choices. I could not decide which one of these fine men I was going to write-in and vote for, so I discussed it with Clyde-Pierre. He agrees with my choices and understands the conflict I am now faced with as my political views, beliefs & values are so closely aligned with BOTH men. I have suffered great mental anguish trying to make a decision but Pierre was a big help when he offered his insight. Although he agrees with and understands my desire to vote for John Lennon, he has advised me instead to go with my second choice of Willie Nelson, being as he is still actually alive and might have a better chance of getting elected. So I respect my son's guidance and advice and submit to you my vote for the presidential election this year will be... Willie Nelson. Vote for Willie! Peace.

Note of interest: Happy 75th Birthday to Yoko Ono this week! Yikes. Let me see, that would make me...

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Where's Felix?

I gotta give you a visual. As I type this I have Willie Nelson cranked up on the computer speakers & am sitting here wearing faded black sweatpants covered with holes & dog hair, old Nikes two sizes too big from Goodwill & an old thermal longsleeved holey undershirt that used to be white but now has coffee stains dribbled down the front. Gave myself a haircut last week so that is sticking out every direction. Every man's fantasy. I was gonna make an egg for breakfast but all the dishes are dirty and I am too lazy to wash them. Maybe after I spill a little more coffee. All this to tell you how much fun Gaston & I had last night. We watched some old tapes of The Odd Couple & laughed our butts off. At one point I cracked up at something sloppy Oscar had done and Gaston said, "I like Oscar." I said, "Yeah, obviously! I love Oscar, he's great. But I think ONE of us is supposed to be Felix & we are stuck with two Oscars. If we had a Felix we wouldn't have to use paper plates all the time". My husband took a slug of my beer and said, "Felix can be a real pain in the ass." That is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard, pure poetry. I absolutely love that man sometimes! (belch)

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

McMom defeats Evil Clown with Arms of Jello


Just wanted to let you know how the food experimenting went. I am happy to report I have not "fallen off the wagon" as I was never on anyone's wagon to begin with. :) I had a couple slices of pizza and a little bit of white flour here & there and didn't like how it made me feel. So although it is nice to know it is there, I won't be making a habit of that. The whole grain Kashi pizza was groovy and didn't mess with my blood sugar, good find. I bought an organic chocolate bar & munched on that for 2-3 days. That was yummy, and didn't seem to mess me up. Yesterday started to buy another one, but stopped to think about if I REALLY wanted it and decided no, I was good for now, but know if it is in the house, I will eat it, so didn't get it. I had two very tempting situations & almost caved in to the cravings that I want to tell you about. I had a rare opportunity to be out and about alone on Sunday at the library & again on Monday and was craving fast food, specifically a Big Mac REALLY bad. I was alone and knew I could go through the drive thru and no one would ever know! I thought, if I can have pizza, I can have fast food too. But you know what, I didn't! I went and bought a unsweetened iced tea and a bag of cashews instead, then later a good cup of coffee. Then I came home and fixed a healthy dinner. YAY!!!!!!! This is the part where I have to say thank you, because I know this blog and being held accountable to my friends are the reason I was able to make the right choices. I knew I could just "not mention it". I could even lie, but knew I didn't want to do either. I wanted to be honest, share my temptations, overcome them, make the right choices and then be able to tell you about it. So for those of you worried I abandoned my plan, I didn't! Instead I got a pair of 5 lb. weights and a workout video from the library & came home yesterday and worked out. This morning my arms keep shaking & feel like jello and I can hardly type, much less pick up a Big Mac! I am supposed to go over to Lovely Luna's later this morning and workout with her, if I can drive.This should be entertaining. "I'm sorry, officer, but I just couldn't lift my arms to steer." I also have another very exciting development (for me). For many years I have been not involved in life in anyway. Just plain old not participating, unable to deal socially, depressed, anxiety, fear & other fun stuff. A real Barrel of Monkeys. I had let people bully me around for far too long until I had completely lost me & stopped doing things I love. While I was at the library I also picked up books and videos about soccer of all things...I am going to sign up to volunteer to help with Wolfgang's soccer team this Spring! I can't believe it and am VERY excited. Pierre insists I am going to strangle a small child or murder a parent. (He is probably right, but I promise to keep working out in jail & only eat whole grain bread with my water.) But seriously, I feel so good and I want to just start moving again and living my life. My mental clarity makes me feel emotionally stronger and I don't feel so scared of people. Would like to share more thoughts and discoveries about that later too. I feel like after all this time I am "finding myself" again. After years of being or trying to be someone I am not, I am looking forward to getting out there again. Waking up sore this morning and actually feeling pain in muscles I forgot I had brings me more happiness than any Happy Meal. Having energy & feeling alive again is a much better deal than any Value Meal. Well, that's all for now, Luna awaits with her various instruments of torture to whip me back into shape. But first I have an avocado sandwich to make. :)

Monday, February 18, 2008

A Few Words




In real life I am a woman of few words. Pretty much short & to the point. Usually keep my opinions to myself, live & let live, allow Gaston to do most of the ranting. But not when I write, so I just wanted to demonstrate I am capable of writing a blog entry that is fewer than two thousand words and takes less than 10 minutes to read. And,for your information MS. Flower, I have NOT taken up drinking again! I never gave that up. :) HOWEVER I am pretty sure the last post was caffeine powered, not alcohol induced. :) Apologies.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Corny Cows, Real Food, Five Socks, No Ducks & Chocolate


Okay, it has been 6 weeks into my "way of eating project". I feel great, am looking a little better, but am bored out of my skull. Have been doing some research and have decided to tweak my original plan in the following ways so as to allow a little fun and enjoyment back in my life. Before I hurt something. My desires were to give up things that were harmful to myself or to others, to eat more simply. To step lightly upon this earth we have been entrusted with & take less from it, but not to achieve some unattainable perfection and end up abandoning the whole thing. So time to re-evaluate. Have been reading REAL FOOD by Nina Planck and many other books & learning or relearning about omega 3's and 6's & refined oils and how the American diet is way imbalanced because of corn and corn products. Boring but important. (Once my friend Mary, who grew up in Suburbia said to Me ,who grew up in a Cow Pasture, "Cows don't EAT corn". To which I replied,"They don't?!?" To which she kindly & patiently replies, "NO. They eat GRASS!" Oh yeah! She was RIGHT!) American cows and livestock are all fed corn which messes up the omega 6 balance of EVERYTHING we eat big time ANYWAY...Have also been reading labels again and learning a lot from that. I have reached the conclusion that pure sugar is not so much the problem as corn syrup! The stuff is in EVERYTHING...sugar is in hardly anything anymore! (In the late sixties they discovered corn syrup was cheaper and began putting it in EVERYTHING including our baby formula, & now the health implications are becoming obvious, thanks guys) Rather than succumbing to cravings & buying a bunch of crap and junk food on a whim, I have thought it through and have tried to pinpoint exactly what it is I miss the most and makes me sad to have missing in my life. What I came up with was Pizza Night, (not having pizza when the kids do) and good ice cream & chocolate & an occasional iced coffee. So I looked into it & here is what I came up with. My main goal was to level out my blood sugar and insulin and stabilze my body chemistry. After 6 weeks I have done that. So here is what I am going to experiment with. Pizza... our local family owned Pizza Parlor makes its dough by hand, fresh, no chemicals, no junk. So I am going to allow that for special times out with my kids, a slice of handmade pizza. Cool. Panera also offers very good quality ingredients which will be nice to go to with friends. Have also found several very healthy products made from quality ingredients which also contain some unbleached flour and beet cane sugar. The Kashi brand products are mostly whole grain & they now make a frozen pizza. Groovy. Ice cream...okay, check this out. Go to the ice cream aisle and start picking up cartons and read the ingredients. Sweet jesus in the morning. Most of the ingredients are names I can't even pronounce so I KNOW that can't be good and you will also notice one thing MISSING from the list. Good plain old fashioned SUGAR. Not there. It's all corn syrup...BAD,BAD,BAD stuff for you. Just because it says "All Natural", it means nothing, ignore that, "natural flavors" were made in a chemical lab in New Jersey & aren't natural by any stretch of the imagination. (have you ever caught a whiff of New Jersey?) In a 40 ft. aisle of ice cream, I found ONE made with just cream, eggs, vanilla and sugar. A pint of plain vanilla Haagen Daaz. Mine. I am going to allow that. Then Chocolate. Sounds VERY dangerous, doesn't it? Well, yeah, it REALLY does if you include Hershey's & Cadbury & Reese's and Easter candy and cakes and cookies. But that's not what I mean. First of all, I do not want to support the commercial chocolate industry, involving corporation evils and child labor and even slavery. (no joking, if you are interested, look it up, don't want to ruin your Valentine week) So they can't have my money anymore. But thanks to smaller ethical organic companies and family businesses there are options, just like with the coffee. (good news about that too!) Endangered Species Chocolate and Green & Black's and many other companies offer organically grown & fair trade chocolate made with actual beet or cane sugar, not corn syrup. They sell an 88% cocoa dark chocolate which has very little sugar and all the health benefits that cocoa bring. And the best part is, the store I normally shop at doesn't sell it, so I won't have easy access and being as I am very lazy, it won't be a problem. But nice to know it's there. :) I also learned some VERY exciting news after my 'swearing off the evil coffee cartel' (as Lucy calls it) that Daily Grind's coffee IS organic and Fair Trade!! Hallelujah! BUY YOUR COFFEE FROM DAILY GRIND. Tell the Barista to bring his mother a cup now and then, Dark Side of Life, tons of cream, lots of ice. I also discovered I can buy tiny little bags of organic coffee at my grocery store for $1.50 and it makes about 4 cups. So, I am also adding back in an occasional good cup of coffee as a treat and am VERY happy about it! I won't be having it daily, so I am very pleased with that new discovery. So that's where I am right now. Am going to experiment. Am going to see if I can have a little sugar and white flour (balanced of course with tons of vegies or whole grains) on occasion, but never corn syrup, processed junk food, white bread, fast food, industrial oils or soda. This is still a completely new and different and vastly improved life for me. Not even for sure as of yet if I am going to have any of it, but that is what I learned. If I do give any of it a try and feel like it intensifies any unhealthy cravings or seems dangerous to what I want to accomplish, I will immediately go back to none. But I am looking forward to seeing if I can enjoy a slice of healthy pizza with my kids or have a small bowl of ice cream with them. I am not changing my no- shopping vow, as my current condition of having only 5 socks of which only two match will show. Dollar General has been out of plain white socks since the beginning of the year and haven't had any luck at Goodwill. Accepting sock donations. :) Otherwise, I am still very happy with my plan & will let you know how it goes. Sometimes our friends know us better than we know ourselves which was the case today. I had already been thinking these things through and deciding what was important to me and what I wanted to customize & do differently. After a very long emotional passionate email to my friend Jewls telling her 'how much I hate my life and I want a different life, what is the meaning of life and I want to be a Princess and how I want-to-have-all-my-ducks-in-a-row-except-that-I-can't
even FIND-my-smuckin'-ducks', she offered me the following wisdom. "You don't need a new life. God, you need chocolate". As usual, I think she may be right.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Puppy Love !?


Happy Valentine's Day. (yawn) Last week I told you about our new (yawn) Precious Pup. Remember all that I said about how he never made a sound and never moved? He was so happy, peaceful, calm & serene we had named him "Zen". Aw. Our little Love Monkey. The little happy Buddha, whom commoners were required to bow to by law. Remember him? Well, we don't. A lot can change in a week. He is now a demon possessed little monkey. Do you remember that movie from the 70's,The Trilogy of Terror with Karen Black & the Zuni-fetish Warrior Doll, if its gold chain was removed a Zuni warrior's spirit possessed it and it ran around her apartment with a knife, its little feet clicking on the floor, screaming "ayayayayaya". Remember that? Well, you get the picture. Zen may soon be named "Zuni" or something more appropriate like Evil Hell Monkey as he much more resembles that evil killer doll than he does a baby buddha. The hem of my jeans is shredded and torn from him grabbing onto my pants with his little razor teeth everytime I walk by him. All our socks are missing in action, he runs off with his potty papers, the couch has a new hole and he eats EVERYTHING on the floor & chews the buttons off my shirt. He can unroll an entire roll of toilet paper in less than 20 seconds. My neck is covered with little doggie vampire bites, my chest is scratched up with tiny dagger claw marks, I am going bald from him pulling my hair out with his teeth, I have several new piercings in my ears & one of the children is missing part of his nose. It turns out the flat pekingese faces apparently are not genetic, they are created thru environment and behavior as he repeatedly leaps off the couch and lands on his face. He is afraid of nothing and appears to think he weighs about 130 lbs. and has wings. We have to watch him constantly, he "puts everything in his mouth" & I haven't slept thru the night in a week as I have to get up with him to potty train him. Just like having a new baby. With teeth. I am exhausted and that's why I haven't been blogging. Or sleeping. Or eating. Or leaving the house. His high pitched barking from his Zen-pen at 3 in the morning sounds freakishly like "ayayayayayaya" and hearing his little paws thump across the floor toward you at a high rate of speed and then feeling his little razor sharp underbite grab your ankle, I have to keep reminding myself he is NOT a little Zuni warrior and I should not throw him into the oven. But GOSH I love that little monster!! The picture above is the little booger right before he attacked my camera lens. AYAYAYAYAYA!!!

Friday, February 8, 2008

Our New Baby


Look what Gaston went and did! He got us a puppy! He is a 10 week old Pekingese. YAY Gaston, what a Guy!
These "dogs" are awesome. They are called a living artifact from China. They were bred to represent a lion that Buddha is said to have tamed, but as there are no lions in China, they came up with this little Lion Dog for the royal palaces. The tale goes that they were half lion and half monkey, and when you see his little face in person, you will see why. Sweet little monkey face. They were also called sleeve dogs, as that is how they were carried around. If caught stealing one or attempting to smuggle one out of China, you would be put to death. (see how brave Gaston is!) When the British invaded the Royal Palace & the royal family fled, the Emperor ordered all of his hundreds of beloved palace dogs to be slaughtered rather than to fall into enemy hands. Five of the Pekingese survived however and were captured and taken back to England where one was presented to Queen Victoria. They immediately became popular among the British elite & were bred outside of their homeland China for the first time.
The boys & I get tears in our eyes everytime we look at him. We just cannot believe it.WE feel like royalty... although he has already made it very clear who is here to serve whom. :) If you have ever seen one in a dog show on tv, this is the one that takes three times as long to walk across the ring. They were made to be carried, not walk! When he does walk, he looks like he has wheels, a furry pull toy, a rolling dust bunny. You can lay him on his back and he will just lie there with all four feet in the air not moving and he has a little pointed chin and sticks his tongue out all the time. He will lie in your arms like a baby and not make a sound. I am SO hopelessly in love. It is amazing to already love someone SO much that you didn't even know existed 24 hours ago! He is pure joy. He is just too good to be true.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Simple Solitude & the Bluebird of Happiness


I am an introvert. A loner. A happy hermit.
This world is too much for me. Too loud, too fast, too bright. Cell phones, leaf blowers, laptops, big fast trucks, fluorescent lights & Ipods. I love to be alone. I grew up alone with my animals. My best friend was my dad. Children my age overwhelmed me and made me feel uneasy and nervous. One of the few times I managed to get invited to a birthday party, I called home crying with my nerves shot wanting to be picked up because a roomful of insane children were playing a pop the balloon game...for fun. I was never good at childhood, Alice in Wonderland freaked the hell out of me, I read encyclopedias, biographies & dictionaries for fun. My friendships were always with adults. As an adult going to the grocery store or church can render me into a pile of jello & take all day to "recover". A concert is physically painful. Loud noise and bright lights are out of the question, it makes me ill. It drains all the energy from my body. Being in a group of people makes me feel like a caged wild animal climbing the walls. I do not enjoy parties or group conversation or debates of any kind. After potlucks or the like I come home mortified because i realize I can't remember the end of any of the conversations because most likely I walked away in the middle of it. I am easily distracted and cannot focus in crowds. (meaning 3 people) I avoid controversy at any cost. We don't discuss politics or religion at our house for the sake of peace. I am quite the Princess and the pea and completely socially unacceptable. I know some thrive on debate, I do not. I am a very private person. My God made me this way, gave me a need for solitude, peace & tranquility. So to be with God and worship Him, I usually "go to church" at the river, surrounded by His creation. He lets me bring my dog.
The problem is it took me SO long to figure all this out. It was wonderful to discover that I wasn't broken and I didn't need to be fixed. Another reason this is such valuable information is that it has enabled me to help others recognize this need in their life. (yes, introverts occasionally help others) I live in a family of theatre people, performers, musicians, EXTROVERTS. They have to be surrounded by people and talking to someone at all times. The more the merrier. Bunch of Bohemians. Except for one. My Little Hank is just like me. All morning was a chaotic nightmare, both his brothers home, loud, music, fighting, talking, asking, wanting him to do this and that until they reduced him to a pile of emotional rubble, I found him hiding under the futon trying to survive them and their demands. Well, after lunch, they both left, work & classes, so it was just me & Hank. The house was quiet. He sat down at the kitchen window and pulled back the curtain. He got out his new set of acrylic paints and brushes an insightful friend gave him for his birthday. (thanks,Mrs. H) He sat down and began to paint. He painted a beautiful solitary blue bird on a tree branch and the entire time he was humming and singing quietly to himself as happy, content and peaceful as a child could ever be. I thought how grateful I was that he will never have to figure it out, he knows he needs a lot of alone time. He will never try to do all the things the world says we have to do, as young as he is, he knows what it takes to be happy. He then trotted off to take a warm bath and is now playing happily, talking to his dog & singing in the tub. So, all that to say, if you are an loner, if you know or love an introvert, I have two things to share with you that changed my life. The first is a book called Party of One , A Loner's Manifesto by Anneli Rufus & this is her website. http://www.annelirufus.com/ The second is the following excellent (& funny) article, Caring For Your Introvert. I sent this to a fellow introverted friend (yes we also have friends) who said she was going to make it into brochures to hand out at parties and slip under her bedroom door to her family. (she also is captive in a family of extroverted freaks, hi KP) Two of my daughter Tallulah's best friends are introverts and during an attempt to throw them together and make them socialize, Gox said apologetically, "I'm sorry, I guess I'm just better one-on-one". to which Bink quickly replied, "I'm not." LOL I always joke with my social friends that I am going to open a Home for the poor loner children who have them for parents. I LOVE those kids. (hi kaitybug) It will be a huge house with many rooms and all the chairs will be facing corners & we will all sit together apart for hours in the dark, brooding in silence. :) One big happy quiet family. Applications now being accepted. And remember, we aren't broken, please don't try to fix us...

Caring for Your Introvert


From Atlantic Unbound:
Caring For Your Introvert by Jonathan Rauch (February 14, 2006) Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?
If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out?
If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands—and that you aren't caring for him properly. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.
I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert.
Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. Now I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends, and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts. It pays to learn the warning signs.

What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell is other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.
Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: "I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses."
How many people are introverts? I performed exhaustive research on this question, in the form of a quick Google search. The answer: About 25 percent. Or: Just under half. Or—my favorite—"a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population."
Are introverts misunderstood? Wildly. That, it appears, is our lot in life. "It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert," write the education experts Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig. (They are also the source of the quotation in the previous paragraph.) Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.
Are introverts oppressed? I would have to say so. For one thing, extroverts are overrepresented in politics, a profession in which only the garrulous are really comfortable. Look at George W. Bush. Look at Bill Clinton. They seem to come fully to life only around other people. To think of the few introverts who did rise to the top in politics—Calvin Coolidge, Richard Nixon—is merely to drive home the point. With the possible exception of Ronald Reagan, whose fabled aloofness and privateness were probably signs of a deep introverted streak (many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors), introverts are not considered "naturals" in politics.
Extroverts therefore dominate public life. This is a pity. If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place. As Coolidge is supposed to have said, "Don't you know that four fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep still?" (He is also supposed to have said, "If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it." The only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself.)
With their endless appetite for talk and attention, extroverts also dominate social life, so they tend to set expectations. In our extrovertist society, being outgoing is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark of happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are seen as bighearted, vibrant, warm, empathic. "People person" is a compliment. Introverts are described with words like "guarded," "loner," "reserved," "taciturn," "self-contained," "private"—narrow, ungenerous words, words that suggest emotional parsimony and smallness of personality. Female introverts, I suspect, must suffer especially. In certain circles, particularly in the Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty.
Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts. Also, it is probably due to our lack of small talk, a lack that extroverts often mistake for disdain. We tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking, which is why their meetings never last less than six hours. "Introverts," writes a perceptive fellow named Thomas P. Crouser, in an online review of a recent book called Why Should Extroverts Make All the Money? (I'm not making that up, either), "are driven to distraction by the semi-internal dialogue extroverts tend to conduct. Introverts don't outwardly complain, instead roll their eyes and silently curse the darkness." Just so.
The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books—written, no doubt, by extroverts—regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."
How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.

Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"

Third, don't say anything else, either.


The URL for this page is http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Drink Me


...ssshhhh...listen... there is a can of Dark French Roast coffee in my cabinet...and it is calling my name. Can you HEAR that???????

Thursday, January 31, 2008

A "Nice" Cup of Coffee



Well, it has been one month since I gave up sugar & shopping and began my new year-long journey. I am loving my new life and feeling really great. I have actual cheekbones again now. The other morning I thought I had detected a hint of a hip bone, but when I stood up it got all covered up again by a roll of fat so I think it would be cheating to count that yet. :) But my clothes are getting looser, my mood is calmer, I feel much more easily content and at ease with the world. My meals are simple and easy, cooking is a cinch and I have had no cravings since eliminating the sugar, corn syrup and white flour. Still working out the kinks with the kids, but their habits are improving along with mine. It turns out that we are not saving billions of dollars as I had hoped from my not shopping or buying, because the grocery bill is much higher now which I think is due to the fact that I am buying groceries. :) Healthy food can be more expensive, but it feels so good to pay money for such good things. We are finally starting to level out, eat a little less and I am becoming content with very simple meals that never seemed adequate before. Grocery shopping is MUCH simpler now, as I have had to pretty much eliminate 95% of the products in the store. :) Haven't had to deal with any holidays or occasions without sugar yet, except for my birthday. I asked for a fruit basket in lieu of a birthday cake and knowing Gaston would forget (after 24 years of marriage I know these things) I went out that morning before the snow started and bought myself some beautiful fruit & fresh berries, a nice thick steak, some red, yellow & orange peppers, a bottle of Perrier & a used scary book. And yes, since you MUST know, of course he forgot. :) But he did walk home in the snow carrying two six packs of beer...for himself. My Hero. New blog- "Gaston's Year of Living Simply Single". I didn't share my steak. :) Then that afternoon the electricity went out. Clyde-Pierre claims I walked in from outside looking "all peachy" because I thought I may have just heard a neighbor get electrocuted which meant 8 hours of no technology, no television and no phones. It was a lovely day.
Of all the habits I have changed this month one of the biggest adjustments and hardest habits to give up was a daily stop at the local convenience store for an industrial sized iced coffee. I LOVE COFFEE...
I had already eliminated using sugar in my coffee at an earlier attempt at weight loss last year. I lost over 25 pounds while still consuming almost a pint of cream everyday and drinking LOTS of coffee. (so don't let anyone convince you it's the fat we consume, it really is the sugar and corn syrup) When I gave up my Pepsi addiction, I had replaced it with my iced- coffee-with-lots-of-cream addiction. But when I gave up shopping for the year, I knew that also meant my daily coffee at Sheetz. Yikes. That was My Thing. My Treat. A trip to town, dash into Sheetz, grab a huge soda cup, fill it with ice, pour in 1/3 full of half & half and then a nice dark roast coffee. Yum. My Routine. When they were replacing the ice machine, the cashiers always kept an ice bucket out for me because they knew I was coming. The highlight of my day. (yes, I am aware I need a life...I am working on it here) But No Shopping meant No Shopping, no buying. So No Daily Coffee. Most people in our country don't get the $1.50 cup at Sheetz I tried to reason with myself. We all know folks who don't blink at spending 3-4 dollars for one cup of designer coffee. Well, I did the math...it hurt, so I cheated & rounded some numbers instead. Let's be kind and go with the low end of what I know most people spend and say they put out $3 a day. I was spending about a $1.50, so let's say $2.00 a day average for a nice coffee out. Let's assume people don't stop by Starbucks on the weekend,(HA) just during the work week. So $2.00 a cup (which we know is a way low estimate) five days a week for a year. You are talking OVER $500 for a cup of coffee in a year. Bare minimum. Add to that if you spend more than that, or buy more than one cup, etc. So I figure your Average Joe is spending between five hundred to $1,000 a year for a cup of joe. Not including the can sitting at home in the pantry. Whoa. I realized that wasn't gonna fit into my new simple life so it had to go. So I happily made coffee at home this month, bought nice organic cream, good stuff. Then I had to go and read again. (Reading has ruined my life more than once and my kids and friends really wish I would give that up too. Next project, My Year of Ignorant Bliss.)
My oldest son Clyde-Pierre is a Barista at our local coffee shop. I thought he just made coffee for people, but nope, turns out he is a Barista. But I found that in order to be true to my desire to live 'simple that others might simply live' I, the proud mother of a Barista, was going to have to ditch the coffee habit too. Lord in heaven, will this never end? I learned that what the coffee companies pay farmers to grow coffee sometimes does not even cover the cost of growing it and leaves people in more poverty & debt. The land is used by major corporations instead of the local people so I can have my latte. Yikes. No deal. But I found a way around that. (I am very clever) If you purchase only certified Fair Trade coffee, then you are supporting small farmers, their families, their local economy and caring for the land in a way no corporation ever will. From Globalexchange.org ~"The United States consumes one-fifth of all the world's coffee, making it the largest consumer in the world. But few Americans realize that agriculture workers in the coffee industry often toil in what can be described as "sweatshops in the fields." Many small coffee farmers receive prices for their coffee that are less than the costs of production, forcing them into a cycle of poverty and debt. Fair Trade is a viable solution to this crisis, assuring consumers that the coffee we drink was purchased under fair conditions. To become Fair Trade certified, an importer must meet stringent international criteria; paying a minimum price per pound of $1.26, providing much needed credit to farmers, and providing technical assistance such as help transitioning to organic farming. Fair Trade for coffee farmers means community development, health, education, and environmental stewardship."~ Groovy, huh? Before you go to Starbucks and support them , I have a little video excerpt to show you about their business practices. It is from a documentary called This Land is Your Land which I haven't been able to locate. Before you buy a yummy cup of their Christmas Blend or anything else please know about an article my friend JL ran across & shared with me. Several years ago Starbucks took a MONASTERY to court (yes, as in people who have taken a vow of poverty) for the rights to the name of that coffee. The monks there depend upon the annual sale of this coffee as a significant portion of their income . Does anyone else find this extremely disturbing or at least Not Nice? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGkTvkpo6as Your consumer dollar is a vote. I began thinking about the power of coffee in our society, not a harmless pleasure, but something used to destroy some people's lives and make others rich. I thought about how driven our world is by this, the anxiety & rush & speed at which most of us live our lives. Knowing what I now know about sugar and its affects on our health and lives, knowing that it is a socially acceptable and legal drug, I had to admit that coffee was in the same category. Legal addiction. Oh Lord, that makes my son a pusher, a supplier. But he is very cute and brings me flowers & laughs at my jokes so we are going to ignore that. I saw a woman the other day zooming in her huge SUV with a Latte in one hand and a cell phone in the other . That's two hands...(I did more math). I am fairly confident had she been holding a joint instead of a coffee she would have gotten pulled over...not to mention probably driving much better. Or at least slower. :) So in the spirit of trying to live a more calm gentle life, (no, I am not taking up pot) I have given up the coffee as well. Did I mention that I LOVE coffee?? One day I may enjoy some fair trade coffee again on occasion, but not this year. I am burning less gas not making the coffee run and am happier knowing I am not contributing to a harsh corporation or feeding an addiction. Please look into Fair Trade coffee for your home and request it at local family owned coffee shops ! Tell them the Barista's Mom sent you. Peace.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

ooops

Sorry about that. My computer has rabies. I had email/computer trouble & somehow disabled comments on the last entry. Thanks for all the emails I received a day late! :) If there is any of it you want published, let me know. Should be fixed now.
Your favorite Luddite & technology-challenged friend,
Pigeon

Monday, January 28, 2008

Contentment


I sit down to write with a grateful heart today. I have decided to be delighted. An attitude of gratitude. I am simply happy. Let me tell you why. I have lived in the same house for twenty years. It is small. No basement, no rec room, no rooms of one's own, no privacy, no space, no secrets. We raised four kids here with one bathroom. We have never built on an addition or remodeled. Our heat is an old woodstove, we do not own a washer, dryer or dishwasher. It WAS always hard through those years watching everyone I knew get new houses, bigger houses, nicer houses, adding on because another child was born, remodeling, landscaping, installing pools and appliances. Many years ago a lady commented to me she felt sorry for Caroline Ingalls on the Little House TV show, watching everyone else get more modern new homes, labor saving devices to lighten their workload & even eventually telephones, while poor Caroline was still stuck in that broken down Shanty on the Prairie. :) Another friend told me once that living in my house was like trying to live in a Third World country, but that the hard part was no one else around me was doing it. That was great insight. There are days when it is very hard. It is extremely difficult to relate with women discussing which pool chemicals & liners to buy when it just took me 20 minutes to run enough water to fill up a sink to wash some dishes. It is sometimes hard to visit all the Barbie Dream Houses and be given the tour & shown the Berber carpet, new appliances and decor as I have never picked out a piece of furniture new from a store. It is really hard overhearing all the Christmas morning phone calls from your kid's friends listing all the new expensive high tech toys they got that you know your kid wanted. It's hard to keep your sense of humor when scraping ice off the inside of the bathroom window while you shower knowing that my friend is in her hot tub. It is difficult when everyone you know goes to the beach for a vacation every summer. We don't have a stereo or satellite radio...we have a radio. We have this computer because it was free deal from our phone company. Groovy. We don't have cell phones or satellite television. We have an old set someone gave us that gets one PBS channel. I don't know what an IPOD or a Bluetooth is, but am pretty sure we don't have one. So, yeah, I can easily fall down the slippery slope & into the trap of thinking about all those folks and comparing my house to theirs. But I have a better plan and here is what I do instead. I take my lovely dogs out to walk down the road then I turn around and look down at my broken old house, with smoke curling out of the pipe. I know that inside there are warm happy children, stacks of books and good nourishing food to eat. I look at the beautiful oak trees that are older than I am and will be here when I am gone and I can see the river in the distance. I hear the geese fly overhead in the sky above me and remember the fields and trails to enjoy but that we don't have to mow. I recall all the dinners, sleepovers & endless parties and how many times our kids have fit over 30 people in our tiny little house. Then I think to myself, WOW. My house is a very very very fine house. Then I come inside, put some wood on the fire, look at my cracked dry hands and immediately start to think about everyone I know that gets manicures and hair done and... wait. So I go to the shelf and take down my book, Women of the Material World & I read about how MOST women live in this world and I look at the pictures of their homes & I read what their days consist of and the work they have to do. I think of my own friends who have gone to Africa with their small children to make the world a better place spiritually... I start to cry and I ask God's forgiveness & vow again to do what I have been called to do. To raise children who do not feel entitled, who know how to walk lightly upon this Earth He has given us and to "live simply that others might simply live". I recall something I read once by Chuck Swindoll that changed my thought life many years ago

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."

My house was the same house it was before I took my walk yet now it seemed...brighter, cozier. You cannot always change your circumstances but you can always change your mind. So I make myself a cup of tea, turn on Prairie Home Companion on public radio, sit down in my old hand-me-down ugly chair and pet my purring Siamese cat I rescued from the animal shelter. My kids remind me that the Nature show we have been waiting for comes on PBS tonight & ask if I will pop some corn for it, can we please go to the river, is Daddy bringing home books from the library & do I think the fresh pineapple we bought will be ripe enough to cut tonight. I remember our old car won't be taking us to the beach for an ocean vacation but that the boys will be going fishing or hunting or to a matinee with their Dad on his day off because he won't be too busy maintaining property and possessions. My beautiful Spaniel puts her chin on my lap and looks up at me with those eyes full of love and I think how good my life is and how very content I am. I now feel overwhelmed with the abundance and goodness in my life. I think of Thoreau's quote, "Money is not required to buy one necessity of the soul". Before long I'm starting to feel bad for the people who have so much and wish instead I could share my contentment with them. :) It is truly the most satisfying feeling in this whole wide world.


Friday, January 25, 2008

Kid Chow & Starving Artist


The Food again. "What about the kids?" Emails and questions, everyone wants to know if I am also starving the children, are they threatening to abandon ship and move in with normal people and what do they eat. As you know, Tallulah in The South is on board with me. No sugar, the whole deal, for the next year. (Invest in sugar stocks towards the end of next November, demand and sales expected to escalate dramatically) But what about Dear Clyde-Pierre and poor Wolfgang and little Hank? Clyde-Pierre is his Own Man. This means he is very strict about his food intake. He and The Band only consume a very limited diet. I believe it mostly consists of hot dogs from 7-11, subs from the renowned Sheetz deli & the vegetables of choice are pickles and jalapenos. When there is a rare sighting of him, I sometimes huck a carrot at the back of his head, but the dog usually gets it first. What it basically means for the Little Boys who do not have jobs and cars is a lot less sugar, much less white bread and junk food, but not perfection. With my family, I am making myself be selfish, in the proverbial oxygen mask sense of the word. I know from past attempts at healthier eating that I have to "save myself first" and then be better able to help them. For them, that presently involves no fast food, which we were eating SEVERAL times a week. We were what the documentary Super Size Me said McDonald's tagged "heavy users". They still get homemade hamburgers on whole wheat buns, ketchup, frozen pizza, chicken nuggets, all those foods that were most important to them, but no sugary cereals. They eat lots of organic eggs, fruit, popcorn and nuts. When visiting friend's homes we have a don't ask/don't tell policy, meaning eat whatever you want, but I don't want to know. They have gotten much more social. hhmmmm. The only unbendable rule/request is please never ever any soda. They have seltzer water and juice. We used to have candy on Special Occasions which according to Gaston meant everytime we put on a movie. If you know my family, you already know that might as well be a twenty-four hour I.V. hookup. This family breathes movies like oxygen, we have gone entire days speaking ONLY in movie lines, no joke. Dear Hubby's idea of "a little candy with a movie" is the industrial size boxes and bags FOR EACH PERSON. So that is what my family had come to expect with every movie. So I had to declare movie watching Not a Special Occasion. Little Hank has repeatedly asked for Twizzlers, says he misses them and would like to have some with a movie sometime. I ignored his pleas and got all natural fruit leather instead, which he took one bite of, put it down on the chair and walked away. The dogs ate that too. So on weekends, for ONE special movie I think I will allow some candy, the difference will be quantity, a small reasonably sized single serving pack from the checkout. As far as Wolfgang, he wants to try to improve his diet and is being very cooperative in the sugar area. So, the kids aren't starving, they are eating a lot more whole grains and a lot less sugar and junk and are most likely eating my friends out of house and home at sleepovers. I will try to improve their diet gradually over time, but for now am very pleased with where they are and their great attitudes, mood swings and outbursts have declined. They are such groovy kids, especially for a bunch of little addicts. I am more concerned they have good manners when visiting than eating a perfect diet. When invited to dinner recently, I intended to eat before I went and then take a big salad, but the boys were excited because we were going to be having homemade pizza! When we got to my friend's house, she had made a whole wheat pizza just for me! My kindred spirit, lovely Luna, had made me this amazing gift with her own beautiful hands. Amazing because my only interaction with dough involves picking up the biscuit dough off the floor that had flung across the room when I hit the can on the edge of the counter. So you can imagine my delight. So for now, that's where the DimWhits are with The Food. An excellent book on the subject of kids and sugar is Little Sugar Addicts by DesMaisons, a more dry, boring, but informative book for the analytically minded (meaning you are welcome to my copy since I'm not using it) is Fast Food Nation and of course the documentary, Super Size Me. So, the kids are eating better, but not perfectly. Wolfgang is enthusiastic and eating well, Hank has yet to eat anything green and Clyde-Pierre Who?...my son,the Elusive Starving Artist, if you see him, please buy him a salad. The dogs, however, look and feel great!


Monday, January 21, 2008

Simply Mad...Mental Illness & Empty Museums

I am from The South. We don't have mental illness in the South. We don't believe in it. What we have instead are Eccentric Relatives, Crazy Aunts, Odd Uncles & Cousins with a case of the nerves & bouts of hysteria. In the South, if someone commits suicide, we don't talk about it. We say, they died of a "head injury" if referring to a self-inflicted gunshot or in the case of overdose, we would say "natural causes" (?????) or my own personal favorite, if they were considerate enough to dispense of themselves at the house we publish in the local paper, "died at home". When I asked about my grandfather, I was told he "had shell-shock" which I now know probably means that he went through town naked on a mule, randomly shooting at the locals around the town square before returning home to hang himself in the outhouse. So it may be true that growing up in this particular culture MAY have influenced my views on what others call Mental Illness. I had crazy aunts on both sides and as you may have already guessed, yes, they are the ones I most take after. I didn't know til I grew up and started to read too much that there were names for this stuff. I thought it was just Life. Before I type this, I am going to pause for a moment of prayer, as I am praying like hell at this moment that none of these people or their families own computers. My favorite aunt on my Mama's side was a hoot. She was very childlike & Delighted. She was also scared to death of EVERYTHING & we spent stormy afternoons hiding under the coffee table, quickly removing all her bobby pins & my pigtail holders so as not to be struck by lightening. Then she would tell me stories about Heaven, which apparently we would be entering at any second. She never had children, was afraid it would kill her, she wouldn't take a bath during the winter to avoid catching her death of cold and all their cow's milk was boiled, not pasteurized, but boiled, as a neighbor's cow had once had a sickness. 30 years before. She never left the house except to go to church a few times a year. Now being the self educated intelligent woman that I am, I now know that she was a hypochondriac, an agoraphobic, had extreme germ phobia and OCD. Ew. And all those years I thought she was just a very sweet odd duck, who taught me to chase the hens but never the roosters, always had King Leo's peppermint candy sticks and Juicy Fruit gum for me. She showed me how to hear the ocean in her big seashell and gave me eggs to try to hatch at home. We made paperdoll chains, ate lemon jello cake,listened in on the party line to the neighbor's telephone calls, caught daddy longlegs and went running out onto the porch when we saw the dust in the road rise up to wave at the car passing by. Simple joys. I had another aunt who would walk us to the curb when we left, wearing her underwear on her head, all the while pulling her curls though the leg openings. Another aunt kept marrying men who would wait on her hand and foot, fix all the food, clean the house and worship the ground she walked on. When one would die, she would obtain another within a couple of months. My favorite aunt on my Daddy's side is also a loon. In The South, great tragedy and disaster apparently await at every turn & great care is taken to avoid death by lightening and electrocution. (thus the previous bobby pin story) This included never taking a bath or answering the telephone during a storm. Aunt Wheezer had a little poodle dog named Joey and she loved that dog. One day when it was thundering and lightening, her phone rang and the dog went running into the kitchen barking and yapping and Wheezer screamed, "JOEY! DON'T YOU ANSWER THAT PHONE!" So, as you can see, I come from a long line of Crazy People. No one ever told them they were dysfunctional or chemically imbalanced. And I like it that way. So I have had a lot of experience with what the psychiatric world calls mental illness. However, I don't want my children to remember me as "suffering" severe Attention Deficit Disorder, being Bipolar, being paralyzed with Agoraphobia many months out of the year, having Post Traumatic Stress disorder which causes short term memory loss, the inability to retain new memories after a certain point which worsens with age. Ew.Or how my potpourri of "ailments" results in extreme disorganization & all the struggles that come with that.. How boring, self-absorbed and monotonous is all THAT...but because of my colorful childhood and my exposure to Life as opposed to Illness, I don't live my life like it's a piece of something broken that needs to be fixed. I just live each day. My kids don't think of me in any of those terms, because I have chosen not to think of Idiosyncrasies as an Illness to be cured. My kids won't have memories of mom popping happy pills, or going to therapy or a lot of psychobabble. I think of most of what we call mental illness is The Human Story. What I hope my kids see & will remember... is a mom who walks by a ringing phone but doesn't answer it, who stays home more months than she goes out, and coming home from trick-or-treating to find me decorating a Christmas tree.They are not surprised to walk out at 4 a.m. to find me painting the kitchen hot pink. No one is thinks it strange to find me in the same spot as I was when they went to bed reading the same book the next morning. They know I don't have any memories of when they were babies except what I have seen in pictures. This particular knowledge is very valuable to little boys who use it to their advantage often I am sure. A mom with no short term memory, how good does it get? :) They know no project is ever finished, I could walk through the door with a new puppy at any second & that if I put things away (including birth certificates) I will forget where they are & that is why we keep them in the freezer. My kids like me. My kids are flexible, creative, artistic & I think have "survived" quite well.They will be writers, actors and directors as I have provided them with SO much great material. :) I hope they will remember me as a Delighted odd duck. If the psychiatric community had the power over society throughout history that we have handed over to them now, the world would be a tragically different place. If Abraham Lincoln had been medicated or hospitalized for his manic depression, would our country still be a country? Would some of my friends with dark skin still be bringing me my mint julep, good lord. If doctors had tried to "fix" all the "broken" people like Van Gogh, Beethoven,Hemingway, Mozart, Winston Churchill, Henry David Thoreau, Leonardo Da Vinci, we would live in a colorless world. So, EMBRACE your mental illness, I say! :) Get UP off that psychiatrist's couch, rip off those electrodes, and flush those pills (unless you intend to share with the rest of the class) and BECOME the Character you were meant to be! I believe if the psychiatric world was as prominent in the past as it is today, and every mood, personality & eccentric quirk was treated as something to be fixed and cured, then all the art museums, libraries, theatres & concert halls would be EMPTY. Except, of course, in The South.