Happy Birthday to The Girl !! :)

(computer artwork courtesy of Wolfgang)

Goodbye to one of my favorite people

Goodbye to my dear friend Ruth Douglas. There was never a time I was with you that you didn't make me laugh til it hurt. There was never more of a character to ever walk this earth & you will be missed so much. I love you & yours. Thank you for giving us Dwayne who in turn found Shasta for us, who will both carry on your spirit & your fire & your sense of humor. I hope the Lord has a big spread of greasy fatty southern cooking waiting for you complete with a dessert buffet...you deserve it after these past few years of living with diabetes & other sickness. I am glad all that is over for you & what you have waited for your whole life is happening tonight in Heaven....Ruth has finally come home ! Let the party begin! I love you dear lady. You were a hoot. Give Guillo a big hug for me. And I will NEVER forget how you like your coffee...(and your men). :)

Merry Sunshine on Strike

New Blog Under Construction. This one is really getting on my nerves. I am getting on my nerves. Will post new URL when I have it. Am tired of Fairy Tales and Happyland. I desire a grumpier blog, something to match me. :) The Curmudgeon's Corner....or Misanthropic Musings. LOL Pierre gave me a magnet that says "Do I LOOK like a Freakin' People Person?!", my birthday present was a welcome mat that says "Go Away" and I heard Wolfgang tell Tallulah on the phone today that 'Mom pretty much hates everybody...unless you're a dog.' hahahahahahahahahahaha (he's right) SO, it is what it is! Being crusty and cynical comes much more naturally to me than upbeat and cheery, so I am gonna have some fun with that. Somebody else is gonna have to take the Merry Sunshine role, a Barrel of Monkeys I ain't! whew. I feel better already.

Bunny Blues

Festivities, family, shopping, domestic skills, plastic stuff, candy, church, junk, travel, relatives, expectations, tradition, more expectations, more shopping. Failure. Give me a boring Monday, a normal slacker day. No fuss, no ribbons, no hoopla. I hate holidays. I know Good Moms aren't allowed to hate holidays, tradition or Jane Austen, but there it is. Don't tell my kids. A tired Grinch in a bunny suit. Aaaarrgghhh.

Cartoon Food

Greetings, Earthlings. I am going to take a short break from the blogosphere. I need to not write for a little while as it takes up a lot (okay, most) of my mental energy and time. I possess absolutely NO multi-tasking skills or capabilities, I am a think about only one thing at a time kind of gal. This week I really need to focus on a few other projects. For instance, grocery shopping. Gaston sent me to the store with a budget to get groceries for the week. I came back with a bag of Mickey Mouse cheese & a carton of Donald Duck orange juice. Also Wolfgang and I start soccer this week so I have to remember to show up. So I will "see" you next week. Thanks for stopping by, y'all come back now, ya hear?


Congrats to Clyde-Pierre's Girl on getting your license!! Yay! Love you, Cutie. :)

The Burger Queen Buys Some Happiness

On Monday it was 68 degrees! Sun was shining, breeze blowing, the air was warm. And I was inside surrounded by trash bags and boxes realizing this is not how I want to spend my life. I was so overwhelmed and exhausted and confused, no end in sight, I just stood there and cried. I cried from being weary but I was also crying because of who I had become. The mother who says no, we aren't going anywhere or playing today, there is too much work to do. When did I become this person. How many days of my life were wasted on the futility of having an orderly home. So I made a decision. I made a two new rules for myself. Since I have set up so many rules for myself this year, a lot of perfectionistic goals you would think ANOTHER rule might be a bad idea. The first new rule is don't live my life by anymore rules and rule #2 is start to enjoy my life. Whatever that takes. Whatever I have to let go of to do that. If eating a lot of sugar makes me feel bad, then I am not enjoying life, so don't eat it....but not because it is a rule. Where did that girl go, the one I used to be? The spontaneous fun girl who would jump in the car and drive to Ocean City just for the day. Now I am so scared of everything I won't even leave my town. I don't like myself anymore. I see my kids responding to life the way I do, washing the grapes, worrying about the grapes. I am angry all the time, overwhelmed, sad, anxious, bad tempered. I don't know how to have fun anymore. I decided that was going to change. So I decided to let the house go, let it rot, let it burn, didn't really care. I threw down the broom and told the kids to get in the car, we are going to Burger King. It was great! We had so much fun. Everytime I would walk past the paper crowns I wanted so bad to take one and put it on. I couldn't do it. Once upon a time I would not have even hesitated! The idea sounded fun and I knew I needed to do it, but I couldn't get past my self consciousness enough to just do it. When did I get like this? At what point did I stop wearing goofy hats? Then I did it! I grabbed it, put it on, walked through the restaurant, made a lot of people grin and then walked out to the playground and the looks on my boys faces almost made me start crying all over again. Pure delight, twinkling eyes, big smiles. It was priceless. Then Hank said he loved my hat and he loved when I was happy. After lunch they ran off to play and I started talking with the lady next to me. She quizzed me on homeschooling techniques and we discussed learning styles & methods of education. I dazzled her with my philosophies. It was obvious to me she was impressed with my vast wealth of knowledge and wisdom on the subject, I could tell by the way her eyes remained intently on my face, her fixed attention hanging on every word, a look of intense concentration and the slighty amused smile she maintained throughout my soliloquy. After she left, I realized I had been wearing my crown the entire time.



P.S. After we left BK we went to Walmart, hugged Stan the Greeter, bought a couple little action figures the boys had been wanting AND a dress for Yoko. It turns out that actually, sometimes, you CAN buy happiness! Needless to say we have all gotten a LOT of joy out of this, especially when Wolfgang and I were tossing the football and Yoko is playing with us in her dress and I am running after her screaming "Don't run through the woods, you'll tear your dress!" We laughed ourselves silly.

Crazy About Grapes

I want to be Ernie. But I am Burt. I don't want to be Monk anymore, I want to be Sharona for awhile. I want to be creative and playful and carefree. But I am anxious, nervous and neurotic. I want to be the artsy free-spirited girl in the movies. The Bohemian sexy earthy gypsy type. The one with the great tattoo that bakes organic food. But I hate to travel, always take a can of Lysol or disinfectant wipes, I don't do body fluids and if I am going to sleep in a strange bed I will bring my own sheets and pillow. I love the set design of multi colored apartment walls with all the colored glass, mismatched dishes & windchimes and Christmas lights strung across the living room. But I need all my walls to be all the same color, all my plates & towels and linens to be white, matching & smelling of bleach. The noise from the chimes would make me nuts & I would be too afraid of an electrical fire to ever leave the Christmas lights on. The worst part about this is the fact that in order to function well, I NEED my ducks to be in a row, everything in order, the home of my childhood. That's how I grew up, everything immaculate. Except for the four foot diameter cloud of chaos that followed me, like Pigpen on Charlie Brown. When I walk into a room it falls apart. I have such severe ADD that I am unable to organize or finish anything. I am a messy slob. It is exhausting being me. So I live in this perpetual state of nervousness and confusion aggravated by the need & inability to have my surroundings in a orderly & serene state. I am Howard Hughes's mind trapped inside Homer Simpson's body. What I need is a maid. Or a mom. Or a wife. My oldest kids and I can often be overheard saying 4 little words to each other, "What are you DOING?!" It goes like this. Sometimes I will wander into a room and either Pierre or Tallulah are scurrying about, MOVING things & I get freaked out and I scream, "WHAT are you DOING?!" to which they always reply, " It is called 'cleaning' Mother." Oh, right. I knew that. Carry on. Or Tallulah walks into the kitchen to see me sloshing the contents of some bottle of chemical all over the floor and then running through it scooting a wad of paper towels with my feet and she says to me, "Mother, WHAT are you DOING?" To which I give an indignant snort and say with confidence, "I am CLEANING." To which she replies, "Um. No you're not. " Apparently the only thing I will ever be truly good at is being crazy. But I think we have established that. I would like to be able to pick up any old liquid hand soap at any old store....but it has to be Jergens cherry almond scent in the white bottle. What I REALLY want is to be the lady who doesn't wash the grapes. My friend (you know who you are) who waltzes into the party, throws down a bag of grapes on the counter and goes off to have a good time. As soon as she is out of the room, I am not only washing the grapes, I am washing each grape wishing they could all be the same size and thinking to myself, 'Is she CRAZY!? Not only does she not wash the grapes, she buys grapes from CHILE! Which everyone knows that in the 60's we sold all our DDT to South America who still uses it liberally so these grapes are saturated with pesticides and toxins but at least they aren't from Mexico, so I don't have to worry so much about the hepatitis...' I am now interrupted by children at the party asking , "Miss. T, may we have some grapes now?" To which I patiently reply, "Like Hell you will have some grapes!! Have you washed your hands, did you touch that grape, do NOT put that in your mouth, EVERYBODY in the bathroom, now!" So, as you can see, I would really like very much to be the lady who DOESN'T have to wash the grapes. I want to relax and start enjoying life again. I don't want to think anymore. I would like to drink water....from the tap. I would like to eat a bowl of Froot Loops without knowing what trisodium phosphate is. Or throw caution to the wind & actually go barefooted in my own house. I would like to share a bowl of popcorn with company (you know, where everyone puts their hands in the same bowl, oh god) & not have to lysol all the doorknobs when they leave. I want satellite television, but Gaston says nuh-uh, no way. He wants us to be Intellectual. I am thinking reading MORE might not be what I need. I think I need to watch some Gilligan. No problem for him, this is the man who can walk into the kitchen, pick up any cup at random and drink from it. His whole family does that. My mother never let a cup touch the counter & preferred her grandchildren to call her Mrs. Richardson, so you see my dilemma. This week's assignment to myself is as follows. I have to buy a bag of grapes (from Chile of course) bring them home and not wash them and try to eat them. From my own bowl. I will attempt to do this barefooted. But that doesn't include actual walking, just sitting. I am never gonna be the lady who doesn't wash the grapes, am I?

Not So Simple

Okay, here is an update on My Year of Simple Living. Who am I kidding? This sucks. I am bored out of my mind. I am so tired of THINKING about everything and I miss SO many things! I miss Walmart, the cashier that wears the funny little alien antennas to match whatever holiday is coming up? I miss her. I miss Stan the Greeter that we always buy a diet soda for, what if his diabetes gets worse, what if he isn't there next year?! The Big Mac song is stuck in my head, "two-all-beef-patties-special-sauce lettucecheesepicklesonions on-a-sesame-seed-bun!" I miss junky cereal, bright with marshmallows. I miss Sheetz & the grumpy coffee attendant who always huffs at me for making a mess. I know deep down she really loves me. I want to not have to think about organic foods, corporate greed & consumer responsibility. I want one of those frozen pizzas shaped like Mickey Mouse, dammit. Could someone please just turn my brain off for awhile? It was kind of cool being the smartest kid, but not a lot of people walk up to me and say, "Hey, weren't you that kid at the top of the entire kindergarten class of over 100 kids in 1971?!" I don't get that a lot. I don't think I was always like this. I used to eat potted meat on Zesta saltines with my Dad. I am fairly confident it was not organic. I think motherhood did this to me.... Fast forward to the next day... But motherhood also did something else for me! Just when I was about to throw in the towel, my daughter and best friend Tallulah called. She started telling me about how good she felt, how she was eating healthier than she had ever eaten before and was feeling like a million bucks. Shut up. I was just trying to not slip into a sugar induced coma from the half a pop tart I had stuck in my mouth earlier. I woke up the next morning feeling like I had a hangover and made a decision. I am NOT giving up or quitting. I am getting back on track. I am going to do this. Even though I was starting to slip and "mess up" and feel crazy again (like when I wrote the beginning of this post) I still hadn't messed up big time. I was starting to drink way too much coffee again. No value meal drive-thrus wearing dark glasses or eating tubs of ice cream though...just little bites of stuff here & there. A bowl of cereal with Hank. Little stuff. But boy oh boy did it make a difference! In an attempt to "lighten up" and have "fun" I almost blew it. I was starting to want more more more but for once I caught myself. I want my mental clarity back and the energy more than I want the Mickey Mouse pizza. I am going to work on lightening up and balance and fewer rules but what is fun is to wake up and want to play with your kids and that was going away. So I got up yesterday morning had high protein breakfast, ate well all day,(even when Gaston starts munching down on Kentucky Fried Chicken & biscuits!) I ate lots of meat, eggs, dairy and vegetables, potato before bed, no sugar, white flour, bad oils, coffee or alcohol. So, thanks to Tallulah and very supportive emails from Mary & Julie, I AM BACK! At least for now. Whew. That was a close one.

Pickled Octopus & Bowls of Rocks

Stuff everywhere. Stuff on the couch, tables, counters, closets, drawers, cars. Boxes & bags. Clothes, books, VHS tapes without covers. Clutter. Papers. Food. Why is there so much food. We don't eat it. We eat the same meals over and over. So why do I have cans and jars and boxes? When I asked my Husband, the great hunter-gatherer why we have a can of organic stuffed grape leaves and a tin of pickled octopus, he looks wounded & declares, " They were on clearance." I should be able to go to the grocery store and buy the same darn things I bought last week. Seven meals, over & over. Same ingredients. I should be able to fill my basket with my eyes closed and know exactly where it all goes when I get home. So why is it still in bags three days later? I don't know. My Amazing Tallulah reminded me last night how much easier & healthier life is if you keep it simple. My daughter is brilliant. She gets it from my side. Simple food choices. I was going to spend an hour of my life mixing & assembling a homemade lasagna, dreading it. Then it occurred to me...I could make Beefaroni instead, same ingredients, different shapes, a quarter of the time. Bingo! Today I have filled trash bags & boxes for Goodwill. Pots, pans, dishes, glasses, pictures I never hung. I have little tables, desks & boxes of books stacked up by the front door, ready to be hauled away tomorrow. I have a library card and a Netflix membership...why do I have to own every book and every movie. Tomorrow morning, any VHS tape not in a cover is going in a trash bag. No mercy. I want empty counters, bare walls & clear floors. I want open space. I hate stuff. I don't want any "decor". Today I threw away a bowl of rocks. What the hell? A silver bowl filled with pinecones. Seashells. A box of shark's teeth! Why do I even have these things in my house to begin with? The words "collection" and "memorabilia" send shivers down my spine. Okay, back to work. Will write more about clutter later. I hear the boys frantically hiding things in their room. Futility.